Yes, I am biased when I write that title. After all, I am an eldest child. More importantly, an eldest daughter. And I am convinced that no one will ever love you quite like an eldest daughter will.
The empathy is off the charts. HECK, we invented the word selfless.
Somehow, eldest daughters develop this bizarre, almost biological urge to take on all the burden in the world. If something goes wrong around us, we feel responsible. Someone is sick? We need to be there. Someone is sad? We need to fix it. Someone has a problem? Somehow, it has become our problem too.
Because apparently, if we don’t step in, it will be a catastrophic event. (hehe or at least I’d like to think so)
Being the eldest child also means you get to experience the perils of life before your younger sibling does. You are basically the family’s lab rat. The guinea pig.
“This worked out for Riya, let’s go ahead with this.”
“Oh no, no, no. Riya failed that Math exam. Let’s just eliminate that option.
I did not sign up to be the guinea pig who tries everything first so my brother doesn’t have to. But honestly, I don’t mind making things easier for him. That’s what being an older sister is. You figure things out first, make a few mistakes, and hopefully your younger sibling can benefit from what you’ve learned.
I will complain about it, obviously. But I’d still do it for him.
I don’t like admitting that actually.
I hope he doesn’t read this.
I think the strangest thing about being an eldest daughter is this constant urge to be NEEDED.
There is always this sense of responsibility, almost as if it was quietly inserted into my DNA simply because I came out a year before my brother.
If my mum or dad falls sick, I am suddenly circling around their room with a pulse oximeter, checking vitals every five minutes.
And then I stay up all night worrying.
My brain is basically a 24-hour worst-case scenario generator.
I can be lying perfectly peacefully in bed and suddenly think, What if something happens while I’m asleep?
What if my dog somehow opens the main door with his teeny-tiny paws and runs outside?
What if something happens to my parents?
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if I’m not doing enough?
I have this constant urge to fix things. Which, unsurprisingly, has also made my dating life an absolute disaster.
I really thought I could fix that guy.
Oh well, let’s move on.
The constant expectation to step up.… sometimes I genuinely wonder if I do this to myself.
Why do I think everything will fall apart if I don’t step in?
Why do I feel guilty when I rest?
Why do I automatically assume that if something goes wrong, I should have somehow prevented it?
I am constantly thinking of the worst-case scenario. My parents’ health worries me. My future worries me. My family worries me. Everything worries me.
It’s like living in permanent fight-or-flight mode.
And perhaps the strangest part is that nobody really asks if you’re okay.
They just assume you are.
Because you’re the eldest daughter.
You’re the responsible one. The mature one. The one who can handle it.
And maybe that’s also why eldest daughters love the way they do.
We notice things. We remember tiny details. We show up. We check if you ate. We call to make sure you reached home. We will inconvenience ourselves ten times over if it means someone we love is okay.
Maybe we’re a little intense. Maybe we worry too much. Maybe we try to fix things that were never ours to fix.
But when an eldest daughter loves you, SHE LOVES YOU WITH HER WHOLE HEART.
So if you’re a parent and you have an eldest daughter, go give her a kiss.
Actually, hug her.
And maybe, just once, ask her if she’s okay.
And if you’re an eldest daughter reading this, I see you.
You’re probably overthinking something right now too.
Anyway, take a deep breath.
Then another.
If that doesn’t work,
Take that shot of tequila.
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